U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
