Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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