Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
