that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
