Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
