i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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