last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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