is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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