My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Couch. On fire.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
