Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
