I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
