Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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