could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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