I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
