easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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