she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
