sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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