actually, I'm a sock model
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
