I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
