I can text with my tongue
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
