I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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