TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
