Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
