You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
