Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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