She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize