I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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