saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
MIDGETS
????
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize