I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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