he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
