oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
