twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize