I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
