i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
