# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
