someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't turn off my feet"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
