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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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• (559): View more from California

  well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  They're like sad pomegranates.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard

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