Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.

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(732): I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/b4iy

Replies (10) Good night (2103) Bad night (3761)
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(817): View more from Texas

Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.

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(817): Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period. http://tfl.nu/d1q3

Replies (7) Good night (5220) Bad night (1143)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

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(918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7

Replies (13) Good night (3762) Bad night (1094)
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(361): View more from Texas

Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.

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(361): Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am. http://tfl.nu/g88o

Replies (1) Good night (1279) Bad night (2359)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Trying to grind with crutches was not a success

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(403): Trying to grind with crutches was not a success http://tfl.nu/guu3

Replies (7) Good night (1848) Bad night (1407)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent

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(775): Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent http://tfl.nu/ylaq

Replies (6) Good night (722) Bad night (1278)
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(620): View more from Kansas

And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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(620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6

Replies (15) Good night (2057) Bad night (761)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'

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(+44): Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!' http://tfl.nu/w3o8

Replies (6) Good night (2091) Bad night (921)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.

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(410): I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him. http://tfl.nu/mi5e

Replies (5) Good night (651) Bad night (1982)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.

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(304): I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing. http://tfl.nu/fjwm

Replies (5) Good night (490) Bad night (1142)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere

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(808): Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/w66n

Replies (1) Good night (1095) Bad night (670)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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(901): "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome. (1-901): You have found the Promised Land of friend zones http://tfl.nu/0f4w

Replies (3) Good night (1353) Bad night (783)
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(847): View more from Illinois

You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts

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(847): You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts http://tfl.nu/dzv1

Replies (5) Good night (563) Bad night (985)
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(206): View more from Washington

No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.

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(206): No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you. http://tfl.nu/9dg7

Replies (2) Good night (1292) Bad night (385)
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(361): View more from Texas

I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...

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(361): I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time... http://tfl.nu/xkbo

Replies (1) Good night (792) Bad night (424)

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