My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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