sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
