Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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