Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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