My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
