Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
