I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
