Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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