R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
