I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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