your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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