that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
