What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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