I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
