You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want nice things and good sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
