Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
