I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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