I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
