we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
