so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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