Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
