fuck your aforementioned shoe
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
