In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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