you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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