tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
