Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
