need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
