the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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