just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
