I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
