You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize