Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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