Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
