i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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