Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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