probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
