i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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