She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
