he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
