yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
