From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
