she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
