I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
