whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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