I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
