Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
