its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
