I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
