ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
