Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
