youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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