Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
