that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
