I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
