Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
