At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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